The missing puzzle piece
The whole picture has been complete for some time now, a few pieces fell off and onto the ground. One got stuck in the lazy boy armrest. I fish it out with a few hairs, some crumbs, a raisin and a Canadian coin. It’s all right now, I’ve got the piece. Some minor detail, the tip of a cloud of the head of a black cat. We relax into the show, we allow ourselves to sit back.
Cursed with the anger and Agni or fire in the belly. Give me expression! Let me be heard! The puzzle is all seen now as I seethe and writhe up into a demonic creature from the depths of hell. See me! Hear me! The voice demands. I will be seen! I will be heard!
the other kids in the basement simply laugh, oh so silly, dismissing the truth of my heart and being. Shunning me and turning my backs. Don’t you guys see? I’m the one who found the missing piece! I’m the one, you should be playing with me instead of shunning me! Instead of throwing me away like your leftover banana peels and crusts from your triangle sandwiches, peanut butter and jelly, you should be listening to me!
They laugh and laugh and laugh, not a care in the world and the little, yet great and fierce, heart burns. The great fiery shadows settle into thick waves of inky black and purple. Emanating off my body in waves. Settled, deep deep down they got put into the archives. One day, one day they would be pulled out again. And then they’d see, then they’d see that they needed me. And I couldn’t just be put away in the corner like the mice traps and the forgotten CD cases, old dvds turning into dust. Hidden back with the wood pellets snd webs, a forgotten pee stain. The frameless posters on the walls curled at the edges. I stood there for a beat, a breath longer. A silent vow in my mind as my heart began building a stronger curtain of darkness around. Shutting it all down, I came back into the circle. More silent this time, no one noticed.
I’ve just got a lot on my mind, I would say. I heard it in a movie. My one line to the truth.
Everything got so much more serious on the inside, the game was no longer fun. It was just cold around, cold within. I wanted to laugh and have fun and to play with them, with these other kids, yet I felt like how could I? They didn’t really know. They lived so light and bright and free, so unchained, so buoyantly. Laughing and teasing and playing. And I felt like a rock at the bottom of the sea. Maybe I was better to just observe. To see how they do it, and learn from that. Maybe I could learn from their experiences. Maybe I could just observe and learn from that play, how to live like them. I felt it secondhand, I created an identity around that, yet still kept a wall up, blocking and shielding my heart. If you got too close then maybe you’d know. The waterworks would get too much, no one would be able to hold or contain me and I could be locked up in the corner again. “Torture me” I’d say as a child of 3. Bring it all back to me.
Drawn into the shadows, I was here to just witness and be. Silent, deadly with my stare, yet I didn’t want to be mean, I wanted to be known and be understood and to be seen, I wanted to feel and to live fully free how I saw all of you do so effortlessly.
How do you tell someone that you feel and you understand their pain, their closed off hearts and grim expression. You feel and you understand when all that is what stands between you, what has separated you for so long. Triggered by your own expressions. Maybe we just stand there together, do we fill the silence, or do we simply just understand. I hated you for what you showed to me. Yet your other showed me how I can be free. Simply. It’s all simple if you let it be; if you let the One to guide thee, surrender the heart and the plans and the story. Let go and trust in divinity. There’s always a force guiding and supporting us. The one that will take all of our cares away. Strip from us with kindness and gentle grace, take off the layers of darkness and pain, peel back the blinders from the eyes. Need not worry, we can improve our eyesight overtime, just let go now my love. We have no thing we need to really figure out, it’s all simply nd it’s all taken care of. We ride this ride of love. And we realize, we are free. We are buoyant and free and we re here to laugh and play and rejoice together. And forgiveness comes naturally. For self and for other. Joy is the protective shield against all ill. Joy and love and trust surrenderance to the flow.
How do I know if I’m the one? We are all chosen ones, once we simply decide. Right now, make the choice, I am chosen. I am a chosen one and I am here working hand in hand with Goddess, with the Great Spirit to bring more light in, through joy and play and love and bliss and experience of what feels most aligned and divine; I am the one I have always searched for and yearned for. It’s safe to let go and to lay down my troubles and my worries. It’s safe to let go of the need to know. It’s safe to be here in this present moment and to let go of all cords to the past and to the future. It’s safe and it’s okay and it’s alright to be here fully now. All will get completed, all will be done in due time, we need not worry or struggle or fight against it. We simply let go and we trust and we flow. We trust and we flow. We trust and we glow.
I once thought that you were the center of the universe because I was being drawn into your orbit, and my feet didn’t touch the ground, I detested this magnetic pull. Maybe I should just do my laundry, maybe it’s the time to clean out the fridge. Maybe I should go do this, maybe it’s time to go do that. Shouldn’t I be focused somewhere else? Should I be worried about that? I ignored the pull and turned away from you, what you shared with us, me, the world. The brightness you became. We’re here to follow what feels good. What feels like love.
All those thoughts brought feelings that twisted my insides into knots. They took the great angelic flow of light and cut it off in various parts of the body and mind. The energy channel got clogged and knotted. From the deepest of wounds. They’re important, I wanted to say, I wanted to tell you, I wanted you to know. Just because you don’t feel it like I did doesn’t mean it’s any less important than your bright experience of light. I felt like I was too much to even be a part of it, to join the circus brigade. Would i just be the anchor that pulls us all down with the waves of emotions and feeling that come up into my experience?
Try, I hear. Just try. Try to let go, the attachments to the pain and to the suffering. It was so familiar for so long, yet it’s not really truly needed anymore, the attachment to the known and the predictable. It’s all okay to really let go now. We need not struggle or fight or kill off our brothers and sisters out of pain and grievances and hatred, we simply can let go, let go and let the light in. Breathe deeply. Breath fully. Breathe baby breathe; the fridge will be cleaned when the moment is right. But for now we’re here, we’re here to just breathe. Nothing to figure out, and everything to just be. Being as we are, if we just sit and be, we are infinitely worthy, we are worthy. In all that we are as we are.
I love you
I see you and I understand you and I know, and I want to validate your experience. I promise it wasn’t all for nothing, it wasn’t all for nothing, but it also doesn’t need to be lived out anymore. It’s all okay, I promise you, I promise you that it’s all okay now. It’s safe to be here and in the light and to play, to be guided and to work together, to create together as one, to allow the light to fill you up, we’re safe to be free again and to really just play. Play in what feels good. What feels free, what feels aligned and like your destiny. It’s not through the mind, that’s not how you live free, it’s dropped into the heart, that’s the truest key.
What’s meant for you will never pass you by, and your desires want you as much as you want them. That’s why you’re calling them towards you, that’s why you’re calling them in, desires from the higher mind, the heart and the soul, the true angelic essence in which we all are. You are me and I am you and I love you.
Thank you for hearing me, I’m sorry for yelling. I love you fully, now let’s go play. Let’s all go play together. Let in the light, we’re light as a feather.
