Why have you been so mean?
“And can’t you be a little nicer to me?” I say to the little and sometimes loud voice that has been yelling at me in my mind all day. “Your belly is too fat” “you’re not pretty enough” “all they see is your body” “you’re just a piece of meat” the voices rattle on and on and on. Unworthy, undeserving, a thing of limits. I have been broken into a shell of a person. When learning about the brilliance of the human body and what we go through, I grounded back into reality for a short few moments. For a while there I had been fully trapped and immersed. Unable to escape, I called out commands and asked my guides to plead, please, please pull me down. To do this, to do that. I gave myself commands and worried myself in circles, not actually completing or getting much done, I was so unkind to myself for my process and how I was operating. But that’s just i, I was operating. Trying to stay within a structure of something that no longer fit. That’s why the clothes of these old beliefs hurt is much. Because the vest was much too small. My body is magnificent and beautiful and wonderful all at the same time, not for how it looks but for what it does. The brilliance of all that I have programmed (the real good stuff, like light and golden truth) into my bones is truly astronomical. Far beyond the simple appearance and expression of what the outer form reveals.
The masculine mind takes way for the inner feminine to rise and share and shine. What do you see in me? Always looking out a mirror, if not one made of glass, then the ones of the faces around. Friends, colleagues, strangers. What do you see in me was always the true desire. To be seen. What do I see in you? The protruding question that sticks itself in. Disharmony is what we now dissolve.
It’s like a great science experiment and I think I need a cleansing. An exorcism to remove all those pain filled thoughts. Not mine not mine yet now I understand, you need not run from what you see. It’s revealing itself effortlessly. And it’s all safe to say that we are aligned and can seize this great day. All is an opportunity, we tend to you after the war. There’s no longer a need for conflict, there’s nothing we need to fight for. Open up and receive, open up and revive. Fall back into the arms of love, of truth, of divinity, what you are, the truest essence of you and me and all of us. Fall back and receive.
Allow the divine to move you. You are safe to let go. The realest happens naturally as we surrender and fall back and simply and truly feel. One hand and then the other we write about what’s truly real. Is the tendency to keep going, pushing farther beyond the mark, open up my dear, this is the place to truly start. Frankensteins monster is at it again. Relax, find your zen.
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A snack break and a stretch around the room and back into the energy I zoom, this time grounded and rooted within truth.
I see so much in all of you around. What really is me? This great conference call of mouth breathers and weed smokers. Hazy eyes and right hearts. I see the truth of what lives within you, and too I see where you fall. Our greatest gift is within allowing our truth to be seen, to be heard and to be loved. To trust within our power and what wants to be born and created through our vessels. We needn’t know what and how and when and why, we simply create. We follow and we create. We flow and we move with the feminine energy of our hearts truth. We flow and we see where there is resistance.
What are you holding onto? Where have you been clinging or holding or grasping at the things that keep you small and confined? Why? Do we pickup the voices of others, for within you I see my own pack of wolves. And in it we invite them in for we work with them, friends rather than foes. What does your heart want you to know and why is it beating so steadily. How can we keep her down how can we stop her? The frightened voices of old yell out as the beast of truth emerges from the swampy tendrils of the old skin that stretch and pull and lengthen and then break apart. They have no control anymore, those vile and vicious voices that once seemed so large they nearly consumed our whole body and being. Fuck that! FUCK THAT!
I’m gonna cry to the beautiful music of two folks on stage because I can! Because life is beautiful and wonderful and how lucky we are to be a part of it! How incredible we are to be able to create such love and harmony within such systems of density and despair! The love will forever live on my dears, it comes from within. It’s what we are made of, it’s what lives within our skin. What once was, the fear, the distrust, has no power over you, simply trust. And be tender, with yourself and with your heart, you’re learning how to love anew and it offers you a fresh start. There’s always a fresh face that’s with us to greet the day.
I see you in your fullness, for I am ready to receive. The voice of a robot, yet this is far from static. So much and so many stories play through the mind like a movie. Please be patient with me, holding onto hands of old bodies, corpses already gone, oh dearest my bad, surly it won’t be long. The city falls apart as Godzilla climbs the tower. A lady in a pink dress scours away. “Oh no! Who will save us?” She hides her face with her matching pink purse and runs away, the city crumbles down around as Godzilla ravages the scene.
Do I have to be something different from who I am? To make it better for who you are? The voice of a young child, a boy of 11, a war torn city, his mother right before him. London, they look out the window of their upstairs apartment. It’s in resemblance to a clock tower, and out they gaze. It’s raining, she stands tall and strong, there is a worry over what their lives will become, what happens next, yet she will do anything for this child, this she knows. He plays in the floor. Golden. Complete awareness to her pain and fear yet also knowing there’s nothing he can do other than keep playing. He holds a giraffe figurine.
The old turtle of wisdom and time moves us forward. Slowly, slowly, we surrender and we soar upon and atop his ancient back. The movement is steady, and the magnitude of it all is shocking, the power of simply being in this space, this presence.
Guides and ancestors come through. Beings of light, their skin pure diamond white, translucent almost. Their hair is white and flowing, they reach out and touch with gentleness and care. Curiosity. I wonder if they would have white shining fangs if I reacted strongly and pulled back and threatened. A hiss of a response, one I now know, to see all sides, both and. I love you. I love you I love you and within this dance we carry forth.
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The heart has many faces. The more walls we strip down, the greater it is that we can see. We can feel, we can know, we can understand. Living with the veils thin. Living with things all just flowing, and happening in perfect harmony and like-step with the rhythm and pulse of life. The rhythm and pulse of the night. For when the stars come out, it’s seems that all begins to change, or faces draw long and ghoul like under the individual light sources. Lampposts and shady figures. Shadows dance across the walls. There’s frightening creatures within the darkness and behind the shades. That threaten us with their very presence. Then mom walks in and flips on the lights and the illusions turn to a complete bust, as they all disappear in the light. Light speed, almost instantly. All is so clear now, yet it was fun for a few moments to play like that, with flashlights under our chins and deep groaning voices. I promise my dear, there’s really nothing to fear.
No thing to fear.
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Now back to that belly of yours, why all the hate? It’s a damn beautiful thing to have all your organs in one place, better than spilled out over the sidewalk. Your belly contains so many operations. Portals and passageways to realms beyond the minds current scope of compression. Your belly holds all the beautiful microbes and bacteria that digest your food for you and keep you living happy and healthy and strong. The belly is the space that we truly hold all of our organs. So much hatred has been spewed to it, and now imagine being those precious and wonderful organs of yours and getting hate upon all the time, yet they still give to us unconditionally. When we change our perspectives and see with greater clarity and love, we are able to praise and love and care for our bodies as our friends and the great vessel that holds and cares for our spirit, we allow the mind to follow the heart and to instead care for our innards with love. With simply thinking and feeling positively about our insides and our selves overall we shift the frequency of our whole vessel. Hatred turns to blue white cleansing light, through all systems.
Thank you belly. For all you give to me. For helping me to experience my own divinity.
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Now back to the mind. Why all the stories? Why all the tales of this and that? Saying all these confusing and contradicting recipes for disaster and love. Why all the running around? Can’t we get something straight up and clear? Yes Venus and mercury are retrograde yet what am I supposed to hear?
If the feminine goes in her underworldly journey into the depths, here to bring out the best and brightest truths of our souls, to align us with our perfect paths and destiny, that feels like the most soul filling and enlivening for us, and mercury goes with her, translating these knowings to the mind, is this something that we can trust?
Can we trust what the depths of the underworld have to share with us about love? About being in love, about finding and following what feel like love for us within each every moment? Will this really show us the path through? Help us to live free and alive and bright and expansive in our fullest expression? I know it will. I know that it does.
What does your soul call to you right now in this very present moment? What feels life giving to you? Can you open up and surrender and simply receive? I’ll do it with you.
