Void

Is the goal always fun? What is the structure, will you fade away?

High hopes and expectations yell loudly over head. All around, black holes and revelations. This is the sound that fills my space, so different from that of the rivers noise. Yet still, it’s the same. It’s noise, it’s sound. It’s all different, there’s always different messages. Different things to listen to, yet you can find the truth within any of them. Any and all of them have the truth within them. Will you find yourself on the other side of the world? Where have you gone, where have you not gone?

I notice how I squeeze and slip away from those trying to catch and pin me down. I must do my thing and I will do it. To hell with the consequences of you facing your truth. I will whisk in on the breeze, whisper some words, some questions that make all your false beliefs crumble to ash and soon I will be gone.

And I am in love with you.

You told me that we were of different energies. Is that the truth? Are we really different or were we just living in different expressions? The same yet expressed up and out through the heart and mind or down and out through the pelvis and womb.

Both and. We slip between the screens. Running around, playing, exploring, seeing, igniting in the realms in between. I see how you do it through the way that I do it. A mutual recognition. I see you, you see me in the shadows. Are we caught in the dark? As if maybe I shouldn’t be here? Or is this the start of what ignites the real and pure and true passion? The blaze of the fire that lights all of my cells up. To be caught here in the middle. In the place that I know so well. A fellow crow. You’ve seen me here before, when I didn’t even know I was here.

I hid it beneath the surface. The idea of it is so fun. It’s a zoo. I disappeared behind the words of others and slunk back into the shadows. Can’t see me now. Yet from you, I could never escape. Fangs and a hiss. “Let me be!” I seemed to scream. Let me do my death dance, call upon the rains. The ancestors. The primordial wild within all. Let me call upon the dark of the unseen to show me what I need.

Yes the light, this is what I show you so clear and so bright; this is what you like to see. This is what they all want to know. Yet what I really feel true in is the blue, the blue and the dark inky black of the pressurized sea floor. Where I can slither and glide like a creature electric. Alone in the caves, an eel rides easy currents.

Is it evil? You know my intentions, is this what a relationship is? To be seen as all that I am and to say “fine, see it. Love it or leave it”

And then what, then what when that is offered and they come flocking, dogs barking. “Yes, I want you down here”

The pressurized depths add a greater high. As deep as you can swim is as high as you can fly.

~

Is what you want me? Is it me in my truth? Or me to stay down here and communicate all that I see so you may recieve the magic of a space no light can pierce through? Why not venture down yourself and see what it’s really like.

Ursula has taken the voice of the innocent. Fate. Its fate. Or something else. Fury.

What if the one who was “trapped” was actually receiving this whole experiment.

Maybe it’s not something to hate or fear. Maybe it’s how we can make the mirror ever more clear.

How much pressure can you stand? How long and how deeply can you breathe?

~

I woke up and I asked Pluto/Hades to be my guide today. A Persephone journey, ready to go deep down and underneath. No longer an eternal spring, we must dive within. Is it really realistic to ask for the depths of the dead when spring has not yet even come? Is this an attachment to the wails of winter? The bitter bite of cold. Or is it time to thaw and decay and come back to life in an entirely new way?

I know you love me because I’m unlike anyone you’ve ever seen. Messy and wild yet so pure and clean. Even within the deepest depths of the unseen. Come join me my dear, or stay on shore where there’s nothing to fear. I’ll send you love down the golden threads from wherever we are. Yet too, I will continue to venture into the unknown. A band of wild sea horses with me. Electric blue light we go forth. Upon chariots of light. All I know is that we go forth.

Thank you, I know you may miss me, but I will be back. Prepare the baskets first. The baskets to hold all the gems and pearls and scrolls. Those lost in the deepest depths. The pure, unfiltered truth. I’m bringing it back for you now. And when I arrive back on shore, we shall surely celebrate. Rejoice all together, I will kiss you tender and soft and slow and allow myself to be held. And won’t think about the next dive down, I will be present with you here in the now. In the light. We will dance with the fires and the flames, together our warm hearts and fully bellies of love.

I understand you now, why and how you’ve had to go away. Why I had to too. A two week, a four month, a year long intermission. An escape out into the void. Disappear into the abyss. To come back full and bright as ever. Pressing play again on the greatest movie of all time. I’ve got you all with me here this time. Writing the scrolls and the parchments to give back. To show you the coordinates and the route to the secret kingdoms deep deep down here. The portals into other worlds. It’s all in through the deep. I love you so much and this is why I swim.