Twin.

I taught myself how to shuffle today, how to do the running man. Thanks YouTube. Watched myself try in back in a recording I took. I tried to be kind to myself in learning something new, and in appreciating my body for what it can do rather than how it looks. I tried to keep my thoughts positive but it felt near impossible. Then I promptly wrote about how misunderstood and mistreated I felt and sent those pages out to burn. I felt a bit better, more seen, more heard.

I built alters at my own feet and wondered and prayed when someone would come home to me. When would I come home to myself? When would the suffering end, when would it leave my body, when. If not now then when? It felt like an all the time question. On repeat. In the background, available if I wanted to pick it up. Why clean myself or my aura, when I know the dangerous thoughts of gray have clouded my shine, if they could just find their way back to me, and why is it that all I want to do is write?

To reveal myself, to show the internal world, the inner workings of my soul and my experience so that maybe together we can find our way out.

I write to someone, an open love letter to the world. Please hear me, please see me, please love me. Why why why? I asked this all the time as a kid. Why is this this way? Why is that that way? Why are things the way that they are? The answers I got back then rarely satisfied. Oftentimes they were left open, dangling out in the air, unresolved.

I worried that they would send me away, lock me up for having feelings this big. Emotions as deep as underwater caves, the muddy Sediment at the bottom of the sea. The final rock layer when you dig down to the depths of Minecraft. Bedrock; older than lava, water, ores, and logs. My feelings felt this way, created from near the dawn of time. Was i born with a broken heart? Is that what I proclaimed to the infinite upon my conception in the heart womb of no-thing?

A torn open vessel, not yet filled with the light of my own divinity, I pick myself up again and again, as I slowly open up the curtains to what’s going on inside. What truly exists within, just below the surface.

The emotions are medicine, the tears are cleansing power, they are purpose coming back home. The depths are where the brightest light is, it’s where it’s all been hidden to, yet why can’t I stop crying? And feeling so much?

Maybe it all just needs to be said, to be heard, to be felt, to be experienced, and maybe it’s all okay.

Maybe it’s okay to want to be seen, to want to be loved, to want to be appreciated and noticed and cared for. Maybe that’s what brings us all together as a whole group, a community of beings. To feel and know that we belong, that we have beings, friends, companions around that are here to hold us, to nurture us, to care for us, to tend to us in all the ways that we need. Maybe the purpose of coming back to this place and to this space time and time and time again is to remember this. To remember and to accept the open hands reaching out from loved ones. To take their palms and accept the step up, the support. To trust in it, and know that it’s all okay, and in it are held.

Maybe the most powerful thing is an open vulnerable heart. Sharing, expressing, emoting, and being. Raw and real and relevant. Showing. The truth of the master inside, the master that guides our every moment, the student that learns, that listens with open attentive ears and deep, unwavering trust. The soul that shares our troubles and our glories with the world, the whole cosmos, the whole infinity if source; knowing no matter the reaction that is received, we are safe and well. Beautiful, magnificent, gentle and kind, we are a powerhouse of intuition and love.

Maybe we do fill ourselves up with words and stories to fill in the gap that separates us from our holy divinity. Using words and stories and characters and illusions to cloak and to blind ourselves from the truth. Because the truth is oh so very real and unwavering. The truth is unabashed, unashamed, and oh so very strong. The truth will hold us up into the light again and again and again until we finally choose, until we finally choose to really look and to see ourselves, and to claim ourselves worthy.

Say it out loud with me;

I am worthy of the love that I seek

I am worthy of the love that I am

I am worthy of embodying my sovereign divinity and in this moment I do so now.

I am powerful.

I am divine.

I am pure love,

I hold all the codes and the keys to living my heaven on earth and I activate them now.

I am exactly where I need to be.

I am in perfect harmony and alignment with my higher self and my highest destiny.

I am perfection

I feel God within me

I am pure radiant love and I love myself unconditionally.

I am purity, I am grace, I am sovereignty, I am free.

I am brave, I am mighty, I am gentle, I am kind.

I am love. I am light. In my heart I know the truth of who I am.

I live from the truth of who I am in each and every moment,

I am powerful and I trust myself.

I surrender into the flow of the divinity within me.

I trust in the unfolding of my path and my sacred purpose.

I am here for a reason and I know what I need to do.

I am guided. I am held. I am loved. I am light.

I see, feel, know, and acknowledge the sacred in all things around and within me.

I am an overflowing challace of pure divine love.

And so it is.

—

Read it back, again and again. As many reminders as you may need. More to come in later posts. I can guarantee.

Community ♥️

A starseed song of empowerment for the day:

Jericho by Iniko

https://open.spotify.com/track/4ztdjZ2t7BVo5DLIFQBdJh?si=GWD1AIcmR1m6l5wWIGE_Zg