What is your real name

Feb 24

Sometimes what we have to share feels like grace shrouded in layers of black inky silk. A beautiful decor, a dressing robe that covers and adorns the body, accentuates the curves, shows off the form. Yet it’s not the true real nectar inside, it’s but a mere sheet of drapery, an elegant illusion, blocking the true light of divinity, or alternatively, divinity expressed in the shape and form of a being, through outer appearance.

How do you navigate the changing waves and tides of our heart, of our body, of the world, of Gaia? How do we navigate and cross the paths and the bridges into each others hearts, without tracking in any mud? Getting the carpet all dirty. Just take off your boots, treat it with the respect you would a good friend, an elder who has the wisdom and grace of seven billion years of incarnation time. Open your heart to the wide open world, a window into the soul. Open open open, yet still wear your dressing gown. That makes you feel alive and beautiful.

Be in the space, though so much is pouring forth and through. We channel together, we work as one my love. We use our pain and we turn it into delicious art that uplifts and unites us all. Through our movement, through our worlds, through the trance states we encounter and inhabit. We use what feels like pure energy, pure potential. Fresh and raw and open pain and we channel it. We know what it feels like, it’s been here for quite some time. A constant companion, a friend that shows their head around this door and that. Am I gonna fail? Tests are only things we give to ourselves, human things, not of the divine. What’s real is the heart. The ability to take the hurt and the sorrow and the misunderstanding and the grievances and transform. That’s the magic of our heart, to take our worst wounds and work them into pure magic. We surrender into our hearts and we surf the waves of what they are.

Would you love me and accept me, hold me, and care for me exactly as I am? Would I need to be changed or morphed or fit into a costume inauthentic to me in order to be helped, held and loved by you? Do you need me to be something and someone that I am not? Or can I show up, totally, fully, completely as I am and still be worthy? And to still be Loved?

How does this happen? How do we allow? How do we open up to this, fully, completely? And unreserved. To fully embracing ourselves and our hearts. Our beats and our beings. Using the energy as a way to channel more love. How could I be the one? How could I be worthy?

I simply am I tell myself. And allow the universe to show it to me clearly. Thank you, deeply, thank you for always showing up for me. Caring for me, holding m, and being me. I love you fully, completely.

I’ve created a portal of sorrow and tears around my being. A pulsating orb of energy. I always wanted to be more, expand out greater, show I am worthy, prove it to the world, what if we simply allow and accept that we are?

There’s this start and stop energy, a forward and back, two steps forward, one step back. And sometimes three steps back. We’re learning how to tango. What my heart wants is to just let go. I feel like that’s all that I am saying here. What if it is all a dance and there’s no need to proevent or to hold back or to stop the flow of what wishes to come through and out and be shown. To be worn to be adorned, to covering the body in pearls and necklaces of diamonds and jewels; to see you, truly, deeply, fully. To see, to know, to breathe you. All this repressed energy that just needs some damn expression. It’s like a song that’s slightly off beat, a drum that moves to its own rhythm. A story that follows a winding road and path. A doorway that wanted to be left open, but maybes is better to be closed; following the frequency, follow what lights and excites and expands you, follow what brings you more life, more joy, more openness, more love. Bring your love into those spaces.

I felt so angry and I just wanted someone to talk to. To share and to express to. Maybe I simply just delete this all when I’m done and throw in the towel. A public journal to the world, here you go, see my insides I hope you like like what you see, even if there’s bugs and weird stuff. I’m exploring it myself as we go too. Is it raw and real and relevant to share all this stuff? Or is it too exposing, revealing, like sharing my home address with strangers. Why are there so many rules as to what we are supposed to do and how we are supposed to show up? I simply trust that my hands will produce and reveal the magic within. That is what they are here for, many many many things, yet to build and to alchemize and to transmute the energy into something useful and for the greatest good of all.

Would you love someone if they lived within the realms of the trolls? If you feel deeply, madly, crazily in love with someone and they were of the lower worlds, what would you do? Dig deeper, discover more, discover me and my own self and my ancestoral ties and connections and links to all. Why fear the trolls? They may not care for us humans, eat us in one swift bite, yet why? Why would I fall in love with one then? And how could that be a reciprocal exchange and experience? For surly it must be? Always pushing to the other side, what if we just are as we are. Must we learn how to not get ourselves killed or are we simply reckless and yearning for the bite and taste of freedom? These feel like the coats upon which I rip form my body. They shed themselves like the nails I ripped off as a kid. The ways I see the world, the ways I operate, express, experience. Unique to some, to all, to us, yet also the same to one deep part of you; expressed or repressed I am an expression of you in some for or way. It’s either one you delight in, one you enjoy, or one turn away from. It feels like it’s form my heart, it lights me up, it feels like candy, delicious, and subtle and sweet and divine, it feels, like nectar and honey and shrub dripping down skin to be licked up and devoured in little sips. It feels like knowing and breathing the sensuality of being. The deeper we sink, the deeper we feel, the deeper we express and the more that we know. The more that we know of ourselves and if the world and of our surroundings and how to use them, how to let them move us towards greater love and delight and expansion.

That sweet surrender, can we trust it? Do you feel safe in it? Does it frighten you or give you butterflies. Or is it something magical that you know is the space and the spawn of unicorns, like songs about dancing and the floor open wide. Poking and pecking put down your pride. Ride these waves of life, what feels the best, the most open and the most aligned, is this sweet subtle surrender, trusting in the workings of the waves to bring through, ride it, ride the wave onto the other side, ride it through.

Why I wished for a change in another, what I saw in them so bright, so strong so beautiful is what I wish for within myself. The freedom, the confidence, the courage to ride the waves of sound and life and love, no matter one, to follow pleasure all the way through, the ride the wave the beautiful stew.

I stood back to the sode and watched it come through, who would I be if I became one with you. If I rose to the occasion, if I stepped up to plate, are we still playing ball or is it really too late?

What does the energy want and wish to do. Gift it to yourself, you know what to do.

🫶⛓️‍💥